Sunday, December 30, 2012

Food Fetishes

I apologize in advance but have to say there's a good number of people in the world that would eat a big ole steamy dog turd if it was in fashion.  In this country sheepish followers of the latest food fad will  just jump right in and eat anything that might make you popular in the "in- crowd."

While Japanese have eaten sushi for years, they ate it because it was something "available" to meet their dietary needs.  Then, someone in America decided it was cool to eat raw fish wrapped in seaweed and the "sheep" jumped right in.  They made it a staple in their favorite "happy hour" bars and on chic restaurant menus across the country.  Sorry, that's just disgusting "me-tooism".

Eating just about any kind of fish is but an exercise in disguising the real taste of the staple itself.  Yes, I eat fish because nutritionists say it's packed with all kinds of Omega 3's and life extending nutrients.  But, if you ask me if I like fish I'll say no.  I like the tartar sauce that goes on top of it.  And you faux fish aficionados, please spare me your protestations.  If you people really liked the taste of fish you wouldn't need to slather tartar sauce and lemon and pesto and chili powder and garlic and tomato sauce and all manner of "cover up" sauces, to cover up the taste and smell of fish.   Yes, you fish lovers are just sheep as well.

And speaking of sheep, here's a question:  If lamb tasted so damn good why do you insist on covering up the icky gaminess of lamb with a mint sauce that dominates and cuts the strong taste and odor of your expensive rack of lamb.  Get real!

Back to fish; I personally know half a dozen cultures that won't eat a bite of fish until it has rotted and smells to high heaven.  When rotten won't suffice they'll pickle the fish to make it even more disgusting.  Hook up a lie detector to a Minnesotan and ask him or her if they really like their "lute fisk"....then you'll hear the real truth!  Yes, those Swedes up there will stuff it down their gullet at Christmas time because their mothers and fathers and their ancestors ate it and, "after all, it's tradition"...but they really don't like it!

There are all kinds of foods that folks eat just because it's tradition.  Asians will pay $50 bucks for a dozen duck eggs that were never allowed to hatch, which are buried in the ground for an extended period so they can get really "ripe".  Then they take a special little eating fork, crack the shell and begin partaking of those little duck embryos that have been so lovingly "rotted" for their culinary pleasure.

How about that Japanese blow fish that is so deadly that only chefs who have a PHD in the culinary arts are allowed to be licensed to serve it?  Each year a few dozen Japanese die because the chef had a hangover and the accompanying early morning shakes and missed his mark by a tenth of an inch when slicing up that deadly blowfish and the deadly poisoned seeped just a little into the flesh of the fish.  They say you're likely to see quite a show as the unfortunate blowfish diner takes that first bite.  His head blows up like a party balloon and he turns purple before that first bite of fish reaches his gullet.

So, when you food snobs start thumbing your nose at my Oscar Mayer wiener dog, just keep in mind your palate is every bit as weird as mine.  While my Oscar Mayer is comprised of pig snout and gristle at least it has not been sitting in a vat of rotted pickling compound before it reaches my table.  And I have the good sense to cook my weenie unlike you and your sushi.

When I grew up we couldn't afford to eat much meat.  I was raised on beans and fried potatoes, cole slaw and cornbread, good old fashion pioneer food.  So even today I'm not a huge meat eater.  But when I do, I don't want it "aged", I don't want it rotted, I don't want it raw, and I damn sure don't want it crawling across the plate toward me!

Bon Appetit!


  1. Well now, Thank you for sharing. Hot Dog it is then.

  2. Mongolians don't eat fish. They are looked upon as being sacred to the waters. Found that out watching Jeremy Wade fising in some way out place in that country. He usually lets the fish go anyway after he talks about and measures them.

    As far as disguising the taste of fish....hmmmmm..... I find certain things enhance the taste. Let's say, a small bit of an Asian sauce on salmon, then sprinkled with sesame seeds. That happens to be my favorite at Ruby Tuesday's. I can still taste the very distinct salmon flavor. Talapia tends to be a little bland so I find a sprinkle of spicy Mrs. Dash is great. And, yes, I've had just plain fish cooked over a fire: salmon, catfish and a couple others I can't remember. All delicious!

    Is that blow fish the one that is served still breathing? Was watching a food show of the man who travels all over to taste different foods. I about passed out when the camera showed the fish still breathing as people started taking bites out of it. {{{shudders}}}}

    Lately, on Facebook, there have been a few of my friends sharing all this horrible clap trap (including photos) about different foods you shouldn't eat: such as hot dogs, hamburger, fish, you name it, etc. I never read them. I will continue to occasionally have a good hot dog, hamburger or steak. But no dug up duck eggs please.