Friday, January 25, 2013
Skyline Chili; The Awful Truth
I had heard and read about the famous Skyline Chili restaurant chain for years. It's been featured in travel logs and any feature on Cincinnati, Ohio always trumps your need to visit a Skyline Chili restaurant when you visit that city. Midwestern cultists offer hosannas about this chili formulas and Yahoo Groups even dedicate their lives to promoting this stuff.
So yesterday I was in Walmart and found Skyline Chili on their shelves. It was priced at $2.86 cents, clearly twice the cost of any other leading brand of canned chili. Never the less, having heard of so many praising this chili, I paid up and brought this stuff home.
Since I'm on the Atkins Diet I figured I would make a meal of this by covering a couple of turkey hot dogs with some of this infamous chili. OMG! This stuff immediately ruined a couple of perfectly good hot dogs. It is sickeningly sweet and contains not a hint of spiciness. Skyline boasts their use of cinnamon and chocolate in their recipe which, in proportion, is not a bad thing. However, this chili tastes like you have poured a half gallon of pancake syrup into your chili. Absolutely horrible!
Adding insult to injury, I would wager there's not a tablespoon of meat in this chili; it's just a thin, runny gruel so sweet it attacks the taste buds and overpowers the taste of anything it is used with. Since the meat content is so small the chili, if you can call it that, is grossly overpriced. The profit margins on this stuff must be terrific!
Folks, I've lowered my admiration for Midwesterners. Anyone who champions this stuff as "chili" are simply panty-waist simpletons who have no taste for real chili. Anyone west of the Mississippi would laugh at Midwestern palates who savor this crap. Especially offensive is a lack of tomato, or even a hint of peppery and spicy goodness that we in the west expect in a respectable chili.
After tasting this stuff I was interested in the Yelp reviews for the restaurant fare. After reading the reviews I see that we in the West are of like mind. While the local yokels in Cincinnati were praising their three way, four way and five way chili and noodles, with heaps of cheddar cheese, the "out of town" folks were wondering what all the fuss was about and didn't care for it at all. "An Acquired Taste, I guess" was the kindest review I found in reviews by those from the West.
This is a public service announcement for all of us here from the West, who know what real chili should taste like. Do yourself a favor and save yourself $2.86 for a can of over-sweetened gruel that is destined to go down the garbage disposal.
P.S. I posted this review on Craig's List, Cincinnati so I expect to be ruthlessly attacked post haste!
P.S.S. As an aside, I just wanted to add that my attack of Midwesterners as "panty-waists" is meant to be a light hearted jab about what "real chili" should be. Those who know me know how much I admire those from the Midwest. To me they represent what is best about traditional America; hardworking, God-fearing Americans and so friendly and warm. We would all be better off if we emulated the morals of those in America's heartland.....but they don't know what "real" chili is. :)